Be the Change Butterfly LLC

Rest, Reflect, Reset

At this time the world is being held hostage with the Coronavirus (aka COVID-19). Everyone everywhere is made to stay home. Countries are closing its borders, airline travel is restricted, and cruise ships are docking. One can say this Pandemic has the world in a panic.

The World has stopped it’s business for a week or two causing the stock market to drop and fear is at an all time high. Some may believe it is the beginning of the End times. Some are struggling with the idea that they can’t go to work and wondering how they are going to pay their bills. And still some are really just trying to breath because they have COVID-19. My positive thoughts are with these individuals during this trying time. But there can be a different way to look at this.

Pollution is down because there’s a lot less cars on the road. Families are together and spending time together. Neighbors are talking to each other. In some countries people are singing with each other across open windows and courtyards. Many, I’m sure, are sleeping in since there’s no need to go anywhere. It’s the isolation of this event that is creating something new. The World is stopping to rest, to reflect, and to reset.

Although there is much to be sad and maybe even feared about this Pandemic, this is also a time to reflect on our lives and how we live it. Pausing our busyness so we can see what truly matters in life. It’s not about paying the bills, the hustle, the urgency of getting things done to move on to the next pressing matter. It’s about pausing to spend time with yourself or enjoy the simpleness of it all. Think about how much you control your life and how much does life control you. Ask yourself if it’s all really worth it after all is said and done. Ponder on how you can change that going forward.

Taking this time to reflect on life and how you live it will bring clarity. You can not see to the bottom of things until everything has settled and all is calm. Find this calmness in your solitude. Dwell in its peace. Absorb all it has to offer. This is the silence the world needs. This is the peace everyone is searching for. Just for a moment in time to give enough space and thought to reset itself. Reset yourself.

Enjoy this cocoon COVID-19 has given you. Spend time really enjoying the moment whatever it may be. Write things down as it comes to you because like everything else in life, once this event is over the whole world will go back to the hustle and bustle. But you can’t control that. What you can do is control yourself and how you live it.

Reset to simpler measures within yourself. What no longer makes you happy stop doing that. What doesn’t bring you joy in life stop putting yourself in that situation. If it’s not meeting your basic needs for serenity and peace then it’s time to change in order for those needs to be met.

Reset yourself, reinvent your wheel in life, renew what has been forgotten inside of you. Rejoice in this moment life has given you. To find this peace again just stop your world to rest, reflect, and reset. Follow the words of Ghandi, “Be the change you wish to see in your world.” Your future self will thank you for it.

What’s Stopping You?

Goals can be overwhelming sometimes, especially if you have too many going on at once. One of the biggest hurdles is actually getting started. Sometimes once a goal gets underway something happens and then suddenly you’re not working on your goal anymore. That’s when you have to take notice what’s stopping you.

Identifying what distracts you from your goal is a great way to make sure you stay on track with where you want to go. You know yourself best and you know what causes your procrastination and your delays. Recognizing what’s holding you back from moving forward is really only the first step.

The next step is to figure out how to avoid those distractions or limit yourself from what’s preventing you from reaching your goal. There’s a saying, “I am my own worse enemy.” True to form, the biggest distraction is you.

It comes down to disciplining yourself to create better habits and staying focused. It’s okay to delay working toward your goal just enough to give yourself a break. After all, you’re only human. Just make sure you get back on target.

I remember when working on my thesis for my graduate studies I would avoid certain parts of it all cost. I was just creating a bigger problem for myself later because the deadline kept getting closer and closer. Realizing this I had to tell myself just get it done already. I cleared my weekend schedule and told everyone to not bother me. Once I got out of my own way I was focused and got the hardest part of my thesis completed. By that time I felt super accomplished and was ready to finish my project. It was smooth sailing after that.

Once you get out of your own way, be it your poor choices in use of time, your own self-confidence, or just plain anxiety over the goal your working on, you become your own best friend instead.

Get out of your way now! Figure out what it is about you that is holding you back. Once you step out of your own way life starts becoming a little more easier. Remember it all starts with you.

The Art of Letting Go

This post is about letting go. This is a hard one because most of us love to hang onto things like our life depends on it. In some way it actually does. It’s the person we’ve become that doesn’t want to let go because that means letting go a part of ourselves.

The art of letting go means learning to recognize what you no longer need in order to grow beyond where you are. This includes people, places, things, ideas, beliefs, practices, habits. The hardest things to let go are the ones you have strongest emotional ties to. Think about that first thing you ever had to let go of. Could’ve been your first toy, maybe it was the training wheels from your bike, or perhaps it was a childhood friend who moved away.

Whatever it was, that was the first time you ever had to experience letting go. I’m sure it was quite emotional. It was difficult and guess what? You survived! Then what happened next? You moved beyond that moment and you grew up, right?

That is why we have to let go. So we can move beyond where we are currently at. Yah, I know, easier said then done. But this is something that must be done if you want to grow beyond what you’ve become. It’s easy to settle for the, ‘Hey this is me now’. But what if you say instead, ‘Hey this is me now but I’m a work in progress. Full of mistakes and errors and I’m learning to let go to make room for a better, different version of me’?

I remember after my mother passed away we had to sell my childhood home. It was a unique looking home and I loved it. Not because of it’s uniqueness but because of all the memories that were made in the home. I soon realized I had to let go of that home. That was childhood me and I’ve grown since then. After all, a house is just a house and memories can never be completely lost. So while I was learning to let go of childhood me I was making room for grown up me. There were other things I was learning to let go of.

Most importantly I was learning to let go of seeing my mother. That was truly the hardest. I remember talking with her for the very last time. She was dying fast with cancer. We were in the ER. She was laying on a gurney wrapped up in a blanket. Looking back at me with her blue-green eyes growing paler by the second. I had just spoken to the ER doctor who showed me her new scans and he had just explained to me how her tumors were quickly matastisizing (Yes, that’s the word he used) throughout her body. He basically told me this was the end. I had to go back to where she was laying and try to put on a happy face for her. But I really couldn’t do that. Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m an honest person and here I had to be honest, especially knowing it was the last time I was going to speak to her in physical form.

I started to cry and told her how much I loved her and I really wish I can help her. I asked her if she understood to which she shook her head for a yes. I told her I didn’t want her to suffer anymore and that is how much I loved her. I asked her again if she understood what I was trying to tell her. She responded as she did before and this time tears were streaming down her face. She knew I was letting her go so she can be healthy again, in heaven.

That was the last spoken conversation I had with my mother. I was really beginning to learn the power of letting go. I know I will never truly let go of her. After all, memories are forever, right? But there was a big part of me I had to let go of.

I had to let go of that part of me that always looked for her guidance, her approval. I had to let go of that depending part of me and learned to stand on my own.

One may say my mother’s death is a tragedy and it is in a lot of ways. I don’t want to discount the fact that I miss her everyday. But it’s also part of how I became who I am today. Independent, strong, and determined.

As you can see, letting go has power. It makes room for a better, different version of you. What are you holding onto? Do you think it’s time to let go of some things? May you learn to let go of the old you to make room for the new you. This is the metamorphosis story the caterpillar teaches us. Let go Butterfly, just let go!

The Power of Duality

You can’t have kindness without cruelty, day without night, peace without war, and love without hate. Life is about duality. You can’t appreciate one until you’ve experienced the other.

Whenever you’re going through hard times remember there’s a light you need to appreciate and that is why you are going through what you are going through. One can argue and say but I’ve always known the struggle. When is it my time to be happy? Well life has a dual nature and when we experience the dark side of life that is the Universe giving us our cocoon in life to make us stronger and more resilient.

All those times you’ve struggled in life was when you were in your cocoon. Learning, falling, making mistakes, and training for the next chapter in your life. You may still be in your cocoon. Keep in mind there will be many cocoons in your life that you will experience. Some lessons will be repeated until you’ve fully learned the many dimensions of the lesson.

I’ve endured many losses in my life. I’ve lost over half of my immediate family by age 30. Since I’ve experienced this loss I appreciate my family more and I truly understand the power of time and appreciate every moment I share with others. I know those moments will never be repeated and it may be the last time I see that person.

I was also bullied as a child growing up because I was only one of three Asians in my school in a predominantly Caucasian community. I now know that I’ve experienced this to learn to appreciate myself and my differences and to realize that I have a uniqueness to offer the world. Experiencing bullying also helped me know what it’s like to be the outsider. Now in life, I want to hangout with the strange, unusual, and always want to include them because I know what it’s like to be the Unicorn in a field full of horses.

As you can see from what I’ve learned, I appreciate the light because I’ve endured the darkness. What darkness have you endured? Perhaps you are still working through it. Wherever you are in life understand it’s the power of duality that moves you forward. Keep going. Your darkness is your springboard towards the light. Be kind to yourself always.

Reinforce What You Want

Tony Gaskins once said, “You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.” I used to be bothered by this quote because I always thought you shouldn’t have to teach people to respect you and be kind to you. I believed everyone should already know common courtesy and should already know how to treat you right. But then I realized everyone has a different definition of kindness, respect, and common courtesy. So now I know my level of kindness and respect towards myself must be taught to others.

I’ve spent over 20 years in the field of behaviorism and I know all about positive reinforcement, behavioral trends, and reinforcing replacement behaviors. The thing is along the way in my personal life I forgot to reinforce others on how to treat me right. I’m just now realizing that I have the power to reinforce how I want to be treated. It all starts and ends with me.

When you feel disrespected you have to stop and review how you’ve allowed others to treat you. Ask yourself, what did you reinforce? Did you encourage (allow) them to treat you a certain way? Examine your own behavior trends. What have you allowed? This will tell you why people treat you the way they do. It’s simply because you allowed it.

Do yourself a favor and today start reinforcing others on how you want to be treated. If they treat you with a level of respect and kindness that you like then thank them and let them know you appreciate this. However, if they are disrespecting you or are not treating you with a level of kindness you know you deserve then simply tell them this so they can learn how you want to be treated. If they still don’t learn and change from their mistakes then it’s time to move on. Not everyone is ready for the lesson you are giving them and you shouldn’t have to be the opportunity for others to eventually get it right at your own expense. Your time is precious just as much as everyone’s else is.

Know your worth and train others how to treat you. It all starts and ends with you.

One Step at a Time

A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with a Single Step ~ Lao Tzu

Lao Tzu once wrote, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”. This is true for anything you want to do in life. All it takes is for you to begin your first step.

When I was going for my undergrad in Theater we performed “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying” a musical play by Frank Loesser. I remember performing the song, “Brotherhood of Man” as part of an ensemble song and dance routine. We spent many days and nights learning that choreographed routine. We didn’t all get it right away at first but as we each learned our parts it all eventually came together beautifully. The point is we succeeded because we learned the routine one step at a time.

That’s really how life is actually. You have to take it one step at a time. Any goal you set for yourself, it all starts with one step and then the next step and then the next. Soon you will be amazed at how far you’ve come.

Here’s another example. I wasn’t always a runner. I began walking around my neighborhood. Then I started something I like to call, “Wogging”. I would walk then jog then walk then jog. Now I run at least 3 miles a day and some days I do more than 3 miles. On top of that, one of my friends wants me to run a marathon with her in the Spring. So as you can see, what started out as me just simply walking eventually turned into me running and possibly participating in a marathon someday.

I hope this inspires you to start creating your journey of a thousand miles. All you have to do is just take that first step. So get steppin’!

Get Off the Merry-Go-Round

Stepping off the merry-go-round to become the change you want to see in your world

Today I want to talk about getting off the merry-go-round. You know that cycle part of your life where everything becomes routine, the same ole same, different day but same thing? It’s time you do yourself a favor and step off that circular ride, especially the one that no longer thrills you.

I’ve lived through many merry-go-rounds in my life. I’ve noticed I’ve succumbed to the routine of things in life to point of stagnation and familiarity. Once that stalemate sets in it’s hard to leave and I start to go on auto-pilot. The thing about routine is that you have to notice it is happening and then realize what part of it is not pushing you forward. I’ve found that’s the key to avoiding stagnation.

If you’re not moving forward then you’re not going anywhere. You got to keep challenging yourself and keep making new routines. Find out what part of the merry-go-round is no longer exciting you in life. If it bores you or brings you down in anyway then that’s a sure sign to step off that part of the merry-go-round cycle.

Keep shuffling your routine, change it up to avoid the ruts, and be sure your challenging yourself so you’re still moving forward. May you find the exits of your merry-go-rounds in life to become the change you want to be in your world.

Setting Boundaries

Learning to create boundaries is tough. It’s even tougher when you once allowed something to happen for so long and then you realize you don’t want to allow that to happen anymore. People get angry when you create a new boundary or move the boundary line. Don’t worry about those people. They will eventually get over it.

I’m starting to create boundaries and moving the boundary line up to create a more positive, healthy space for me because I know I’m worth it. This isn’t about power tripping either. It’s about self-empowerment tripping. There’s a difference.

I’m finding my foundation and standing my ground. It’s about making me important and showing others I matter and I value me, my time, and my energy.

As I continue on this journey towards finding myself I’m discovering that boundaries matter. I need to always be aware of them and know when to use them so people know I value myself.

If you don’t value yourself, your energy, your time no one else will. So start setting your boundaries now to raise your self higher and show everyone else how valuable you are.

Staying in My Cocoon

Stay in Your Cocoon
as Long as You Need to.

Today I’d like to talk about the importance of healing. We often move from one scenario to the next or from one relationship to the next. We never give ourselves enough time to heal and fully process what we endured. We can not completely fly until our wings are fully mended.

I’ve endured my share of heartaches. Some of them were romantic losses and some of them were losses of loved ones. With every loss I’ve endured I never gave myself time to fully heal from those losses. My romantic losses were often quickly replaced with new romantic interests. The grief over my lost loved ones was immediately replaced by diverting my attention on my career or my college studies. In all of these instant replacements I never allowed myself to process what happened to me and give myself the adequate time to heal.

Being able to heal is a large part of growth. I limited my healing time because I was afraid to face the emotions and all the negative baggage that comes with feelings. By doing this I became stuck.

In every serious romantic relationship I’ve experienced was a similarity of the one before and the one before that one and even the one before that one. They were all the same type of relationships because I didn’t allow myself to heal and grow beyond what I was used to. Realizing this was a huge awakening for me.

I do not want the same type of relationship as the one before. It didn’t work out for a reason. I need to allow myself to heal so I can figure out who I am so I can be capable of finding the right person for me. Someone who values me but I first need to learn to value myself. This is where I begin to heal.

My grief over losing my family was not fully expressed until I stopped diverting my attention away from my feelings of loss. I began to heal once I started focusing on me and my feelings related to my losses. This is an eye opener because without the focus on the losses I would continually be stuck in my grief.

At this time I’m still healing. I am grateful for realizing this and the importance of staying in my cocoon until my wings are ready to fly.

Perhaps you need time to heal too. Take the time to contemplate your losses and review your lessons. What you did right, what you did wrong, and more importantly, what you’re going to do next time. I hope in the end you choose you. Be patient and gentle with yourself. There’s a reason the caterpillar rests in its cocoon. To grow and mature. May you stay in your cocoon as long as you need to.

The Power of Forgiveness

I’ve struggled with forgiveness all my life. Being unforgiving is like hitting your head with a hammer thinking you’re hurting the person who did you wrong. Let it go!

I know forgiveness seems like you are telling that person it’s okay the way they treated you when it was entirely uncalled for on what they did. How dare they, right? But in the end, forgiveness is really not about that person. There’s a life lesson regarding those who did you wrong and your journey towards forgiveness.

Hurt people hurt people. That’s one of the reasons why you need to forgive them. Doesn’t mean you are allowing them to hurt you and saying it was okay for them to do what they did to you. I’m just saying they did what they did because they didn’t know any better.

We often easily forgive children for making mistakes but why is it difficult to forgive adults for their mistakes. We assume they should know better, right? But what if that adult was once that little child who was abused and neglected during his or her childhood and that child who made all of those bad mistakes that you easily forgave grew up to be the adult you are interacting with now? That child, now adult, never learned from their mistakes. They used poor coping skills for most of their lives and never learned any new, positive ones. That is one of the reasons why we have to forgive them. They just don’t know any better.

But the most important reason to forgive is for your own healing. Hurt people hurt people and we always hurt the ones closest to us. By not forgiving you are hurting yourself (the one closest to you). So forgive, not for those that hurt you, although they didn’t know any better, but for you so you can move on and heal.

The longer you hold onto that anger the longer you are allowing that situation to control you. Do not let the past dictate your present state of mind or it will fester into your future. Just let it go!

Network to Selfwork

Tonight I attended a networking event. I made quite a few connections that were very helpful with my current focus, which is me. I connected with business entrepreneurs from the health and wellness industry, the entertainment field, financing world, and marketing gurus. It got me to thinking that one truly can’t thrive on their own unless they build a helpful and supportive network.

Regardless of what you are trying to improve in your world, it must be done with a network behind you. Whether you are trying to lose weight, improve your skills in your career, build your own self-worth, or finish that project you’ve been working on; it can’t be done unless you get some help along the way.

I got some great tips and advice tonight and connected with individuals who are already running the path I’d like to move on. Meeting these people truly inspired me to keep doing what I’m doing. The event was fun and gave everyone there a place to meet and greet each other.

Life is a giant web of connections we need to appreciate. If you are ever given an opportunity to network with others, I highly suggest you take it. Your next connection can lead you towards a better you!

Finding Me

Today this post is about finding me. I’ve spent most of my life seeking happiness elsewhere. I’ve bounced from one relationship to another over the years. I’ve sought approval and acceptance from others. I have poured myself into my studies and my career. I have bought clothes, jewelry, home decor, and other luxuries that amounted to stuff I hardly or never used and didn’t really need. These actions were taken in the pursuit of happiness and pure life fulfillment. In all of these, I have yet to find what I’ve been looking for. I’ve come to realize that happiness does not lay in anything else but within me.

However, what does that truly mean? I’m going to take the next year to focus on myself to find this answer. I’ll be documenting my journey to truly become the change I want to see in my world. You can follow my chronicles here as I embark on this adventure of living my life with a focus on finding me.

Maintain that 20-20 vision for 2020

You’ve got goals for the New Year. Every one usually does. This one is going to be different though because it will be 2020!

You will be writing 2020 every day for some reason or another. When you write it let the 2020 year remind you to maintain that 20-20 vision of your goals you set for yourself. Whether it be for weight loss, improve finances, better relationships, a new career, healthier living, or whatever your goal is, stay focused and unwavering.

Your vision of what you’d like to achieve in 2020 is a reflection of your deepest desires. At the end of the day it’s all about you and your happiness. There will be distractions and mishaps along the way. Don’t let any of that stop you. Most of these barriers are to help you move out of your comfort zone to let go of the old you so you can become the new you. Re-read that as many times as needed and let that sink in.

Make 2020 your year because you made it happen with your 20-20 vision towards your goals. Stay focused, be determined, and remain strong. 2020 is your time to shine!

New Eating Plan for the Mind

Are you feeding your mind healthy thoughts or junkie thoughts? Similar to what you put in your body matters; what you put in your mind also matters. Feed your mind with nutritious thoughts regularly. Weekly, daily, hourly, minute by minute.

For the New Year, here’s a new diet to follow:
Cut out all of the negative thoughts that make you feel undervalued. Avoid all negativities such as negative people and negative activities. If you feel the need to indulge in anything self-deprecating, only do it to find the lesson you need to learn and to discover the solution you need to act on.

Sample Mind Food Plan

Breakfast: Feed on a large portion of nutritious positive self-affirmations upon waking up.

Mid-Morning Mental Snack: Make a plate of reminders of how far you’ve come.

Lunch: Munch on a bowl full of gratitude. This can be an endless amount.

Mid-Afternoon Mental Snack: Eat all the self-identified strengths you can consume.

Dinner: Prepare a large plate of Forgiveness. Forgive others but most of all; Forgive Yourself.

Bedtime Mental Snack: Cook up a review of all that you have accomplished today and thank yourself for being determined and unstoppable.

Be Different

As the old year winds down and you welcome the new year let’s take a brief moment to review how you did over the last 365 days. Then as you reminisce, I dare you to imagine what if you did things differently. Would the outcome be the same, worse, or better for you? Well, you really won’t know since you can’t change the past.

However, the future is a wide open pasture waiting to be embarked on. Let the new year be different for you. Every little part of your routine can be done with a twist and as each of those little twists mount up you will be surprised on what you will find.

Embrace the alternative, the out of the norm, the unusual. Take on the New Year like you’ve never taken on a New Year before. Forget those New Year’s resolutions. Psst… most people give up on them anyway.

Instead, doing the same activity you’ve always done before but with a different twist can be something you may be willing to stick to. Especially if the outcome is more favorable than the ho-hum routine.

I’m not talking about reaching for that salad instead of that cupcake. However, if that is your goal, go for it! I’m talking about going a different way to work. Maybe instead of watching the same show, over and over, watch something you’d normally not watch. Perhaps, go to the theater instead of a movie. Walk instead of drive, weather permitting of course. Maybe hang out with different co-workers, order something different off the menu, read a book unlike you’ve never read before.

Expanding your usual to the unusual will give you different perspectives on things. It will give you something to talk about and it may broaden your horizons to something you never knew existed. This can be exciting and fun for you!

Welcome the New Year with open arms and do something out of the norm. You may be surprised on what you will discover. It just might be pleasantly different!

Be You

This post is about being you. Embrace all the uniqueness and quirkiness that is you because that is who you are meant to be.

In my childhood, I wanted to fit in. I longed to be accepted and part of the “cool” crowd. Fast forward twenty-some plus years later and I’ve learned to embrace who I am.

Some things I’ve learned during my journey they call life:

1. Once you accept you others will follow.

2. The ones that criticize and judge you haven’t yet accepted themselves.

3. The world needs you exactly as you are because only you can give that particular sauce the world craves for.

4. It’s okay to be different. Who needs to wear a solid colored shirt all the same shade that everyone else is wearing when you can rock the differently, many hued print dress and make the room look fabulous just by your mere presence.

5. Always smile because no one smiles like you.

6. Surround yourself with those that accept you for you without judgment, complaint, or criticism. They’re the ones that deserve your shine.

7. Be open to accepting other’s differences because they too deserve to shine as much as you.

These are just some gems I’ve picked up along my journey. I hope this post inspired you to be, well, you!

Kickin’ It With Kale

Ahhh, Kale. That lovely green, cruciferous vegetable that has a flavor likened to Spinach and Cabbage mixed together. It’s beautiful dark green leaves are full of healthy antioxidants and nutrient dense vitamins. Kale is so versatile that it can be juiced, steamed, sautéed, added to soups, made into crackers and chips, and can even be fed to the family barker for an added boost of nutrition.

If you want to lower your cholesterol, you need kale. Kale has been studied to significantly improve lipid levels. You want to raise your antioxidant levels to fight cancer-related disorders ? Then reach for kale. It contains many cancer fighting antioxidants such as beta-carotene, lutein, and beneficial flavonoids. Trying to maintain your good eye sight while warding off glaucoma? Then get some kale. It’s rich in lutein and zeaxanthin, which has been studied to maintain and improve eye health. Worried about your diabetic glycemic intake? No worries with kale since it’s low on the glycemic index.

Kale can be used in a wide variety of ways. Fresh steamed kale seasoned with lemon juice, sea salt, and red pepper flakes is one of my favorite delights. Add some navy beans or bacon bits and you got yourself a great meal! Let’s not forget the kale and bean soup recipe here.

Get creative and use kale pulp from juicing to make kale crackers. Try the classic and super easy to make kale chips to snack on during movie night in lieu of popcorn. And if you don’t like the taste of kale, just simply juice it and mask the taste with an apple or a carrot. Trust me, you won’t even taste the kale but you will reap the benefits from it.

Oh and don’t forget our family barker. The rule with feeding your furry friends non-commercialized foods is moderation and rotation. Check out this easy kale chip recipe here for your four-legged friend.

Kale is King among the vegetables and can add a wide variety of benefits to any eating plan. Whether you are looking to increase your antioxidant intake or just wanting to maintain your already healthy physique, grab some kale. You won’t be disappointed.

Letting Go of the Baggage

You can’t reach for anything new if your

Today’s post is about letting go all of that which weighs you down. The emotional luggage packed full of negative, self-defeating, hate breeding feelings. Everyone carries baggage, even those who appear happy all the time. Sometimes you end up carrying more than you should. Sometimes you carry the baggage for far too long and this ends up exhausting you, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It’s time to check that baggage out for good and cast it away forever.

The emotions you carry over long periods of time become your normal so much that you may not even realize there’s another way to be. It’s important to know yourself and to realize what thoughts and feelings hold you back. Getting to know yourself is the first step because without holding up that mirror and being honest with yourself there’s no moving towards letting go. Once you discover those emotions that weigh you down and realize they don’t do you any good you’re ready to release them.

There’s many ways to let go of those things that hold you down and what works for others may not work for you. Like everything else in life, especially when it comes to emotional, physical, and spiritual healing, there is no one size fits all. If you tried leaving those old thoughts behind before and have failed, don’t give up. The fact that you’re trying is all that matters. These thoughts that keep popping in your head, those emotions you hold onto that don’t really serve you now have been built over years, sometimes decades. You can’t expect to get rid of them over night.

Writing letters to yourself or to others (then burning them, shredding them, or flushing them down the toilet), meditating with guided imagery, taking a ritual bath for the purpose of washing away all of that which no longer serves you, punching it out on a gym bag, or simply allowing yourself to cry are all ways to release and let go of that negative baggage. Talking about those feelings or thoughts you have, blowing bubbles, naming them the thoughts, and feelings you want to get rid of, then popping them may also help. Being mindful of when those negative feelings creep up then thinking of what you would say to a friend if they had those thought may help. These are all just a few ways to let go and to get rid of that luggage that weighs you down. Be creative; think of your way of doing things to free yourself.

Healing takes time. Healing takes determination. Healing takes patience. Be gentle with yourself. This is all part of the process and this is part of the journey to becoming a better you.

Here is a guided meditation to get you started on your journey of letting go:

Confessions of a New Year’s Resolution Breaker

Hello Butterflies,

Some of you may remember my vow from 2014 to go Unplugged. While I set my bar high to not watch TV or entertain myself electronically for the entire year, I must confess that I didn’t reach my goal. Before the thirty lashings begin, let me say that I’m happy I didn’t keep my New Year’s resolution. A lot of people set new goals for themselves and by this time (May) of the year, they either have met their goal and are keeping it going or they have given up somewhere around February. For those that fall in the latter category, a usual kind of guilt may set in. Unless, however, the perception is shifted as a lesson to learn more about oneself, as I have.

The fact that I set a goal for myself and I announced it to the world (ummm, the other person who reads this blog) puts me out there for all to see and shouts that I too am human. I make mistakes but most importantly I learned from my mistakes.

I learned that I needed to make better use of my time that involved activities that didn’t need electricity. I learned that my dependence on technology has become some what of a helpful hindrance. Helpful to know that my cup has yet to be full and I am still open to being better than I was before. What I mean to say is; it was a reminder that I have evolved into a tech dependent toad on a log out of tune with reality. I get lost in internet space if I’m not careful when surfing the never ending waves of information highway that is easily accessible to my fingertips. I learned to become more mindful of this numbing occurrence and began to look for other ways to feed my inner desire to pass the time away. Sleep became my best friend; along with eating and cooking (another hobby of mine). Reading books became a recurrent activity; that is real books where you have to turn the pages to get that papyrus feel.

Although I didn’t stay true to the unplugged status, I did watch TV and use the internet a lot less than I would have had I not made this goal for myself. I even managed to stay off of Facebook for the entire year. No posts, no private messages, no likes, nothing, except to maintain my Facebook page of the same name as this blog. I look at these as mini successes along the way, instead of looking at the entire picture as a complete failure. This is important to realize when setting a goal. A big global picture may be formulated in one’s mind but little successes can add up and can eventually lead to the original goal. The mini successes count and should be celebrated along the way.

I actually walked away from 2014 a little more happier knowing that I lost a bit of my couch potatoeness. This year I didn’t set a goal for myself except to be better than I was last year.

How about you? Did you make a New Year’s Resolution? Did you keep it?

How To Say, “No” To Others In Order To Say, “Yes” To Yourself

This post is for the givers out there who have so much to give to others that they forget to give to themselves. It’s great to always be the dependable one, the loyal one, the one who will always be there at a moments notice no matter what. However, it’s not so great to be that loyal hero when the one who needs saving is the hero.

We get caught up with everyday life and the responsibilities of it all. Taking care of the kids, making sure homework is done, laundry is done, the mail is sorted, the dishes are cleaned, the pets are fed, the groceries are put away, the sick are comforted, the stranded friend is picked up at the mall, the extra time at work, and it goes on and on endlessly. A person can get lost in all the chaos and people usually do.

Think of it as a virtual bank of seconds and all those seconds add up to valuable minutes. Every time you say, “Yes.” to someone else you are giving a valuable piece of your time away to someone else, which in turn is time that is taken away from you for your own use. Time ticks away regardless of how you spend it but the most important thing to remember is that you can’t get time back. So when you give your time away to someone else you won’t get that time back. It’s time to learn how to honor yourself by saving some time for you.

The first step is to realize that you need to start honoring yourself by saying, “Yes.” to yourself on a regular basis. It’s important to acknowledge the value of yourself in order to start honoring yourself. Otherwise, the act of saying, “Yes.” to yourself is meaningless if you don’t know that it’s worth it to give yourself some of that precious, well deserved time.

Recognize that the power to control everything has the power to control you too. It’s okay to delegate responsibility in order to get some extra time back for yourself. Who cares if the laundry is not going to be folded in that ‘oh so perfect’ way that only you can do. What’s going to happen? Are the laundry folding police going to come over and arrest you because the bathroom towels are not folded to your standards? The point is that it’s more important to learn to let go of control in order to regain control of your free time for yourself.

Kick that guilt monster to the curb. Don’t feel guilty because you elected not to help out with the local cookie sale for the millionth time or you told your always stranded friend that she will need to call someone else for a ride. Guilt has a way to fester inside that builds up if it is self fed. Don’t feed the guilt monster! Think about all the people who have ever said no to you for one time or another. Usually circumstances beyond their control warranted their no to you and everything eventually turned out alright. Remind yourself that everything will be alright when you say, “No” because truthfully everything does eventually end up okay.

People won’t think less of you if you tell them no. They may actually admire you for standing up for yourself for a change. A strange thing happens when you begin to honor yourself. Others will honor you by realizing that you matter too. You have to show people that you know you matter and you deserve valuable time to do as you please.

If people do start criticizing you for saying no then remind yourself that those are the ones who have grown addicted to your heroism. It’s time to ween them off by establishing boundaries in order to pay homage to yourself. People will walk all over you if you let them. Don’t let them.

The giver in you will always want to do just that, give. However, it’ just as important to give to yourself because you are worth it and you deserve it. It’s time to treat yourself with respect and start saying, “No.” to others in order to say, “Yes.” to you. Your future self will thank you for it.